I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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