I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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