I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
