Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
