Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
