I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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