just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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