Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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