Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
