Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
