I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
vagina is talking i cant
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
