I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
