she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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