Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
