Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
