oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
