im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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