I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize