Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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