if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
