Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
