the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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