Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize