I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
