So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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