Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
