I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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