I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
