Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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