Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
