I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
