Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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