Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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