when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
