My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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