We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize