Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
