I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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