My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
