At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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