i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
