9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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