Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
