God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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