just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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