I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
