I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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