My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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