So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
