I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
