I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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