i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
