So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
