Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
