Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Randomize
