census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
