I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
