my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
