I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
