not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found a bag of teeth...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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