I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
