you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
