i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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