Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
