True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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