I hate all girls vehemently.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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