My nipple is on Facebook.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
