we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
