haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
