I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize