I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
