oh god the rape fog is back!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
