Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
