did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
