Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
