Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize