She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
