Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
