Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
