Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
