life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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