uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
