She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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