WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
