hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize