There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
