i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We're too hungover to prance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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