Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
