At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
