these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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