I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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