We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
