I showed him my bush... on skype.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
